Doug's Nuts

Late at night in his secret hillside laboratory, Doug sat aimlessly pushing piles of nuts around the gleaming surface of his workbench. He had been toiling for hours, pursuing the elusive flavor secrets locked within these diminutive morsels of nutflesh. He suddenly leapt up and feverishly began pulling exotic ingredients off the well-stocked shelves. Crystalline organic sugarcane! Honey from bees fed on wild blackberry blossoms! Extract of maple! Vanilla beans plucked in distant tropical forests! Salt from long-dead oceans! He was tantalizingly close, but something was still missing. Something dark and mysterious. Something with deep brown savory goodness. In desperation he reached into his ultramodern lab refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of oatmeal stout. Carelessly pouring the foaming beverage into a flask, he spilled a portion into the batch of flavor syrup he had been stirring. A heady aroma rose and tickled his finely tuned food scientist’s nostrils. Hoo-ha! Eureka! Whoop-de-doo! And that’s how the crazy goodness of Doug’s Nuts came into being. Really.